Why I May Be Still Single

"You're doing better than you would have done, but you're not done doing better." — God

Earlier today while scrolling my FYP , a 90-second podcast clip with the Perrys and other guests were talking about singleness and marriage.

Now listen... I’m not a fan of just watching the short clips without full context. But this one, it grabbed me! Then one of the moderators went to ask

“How do you deal with wanting intimacy or human touch while being single?”

And baby… whew 😮‍💨. That question sat in my spirit and I too wanted to know the answer or get some clarification. It was at that moment, this blog was created.

Living In The Tension

I’ve been a widow for over 10 years, and for the last five, I haven’t been on the dating scene much. I’ve met a few men… but let’s just say, God saved me from some bullets. 🙌🏿

Still, when your flesh has known something, there are moments your body feels like it’s withdrawing. Sometimes, you crave companionship and sometimes you just want to scratch that itch. 😏

But then this 90 second clip proposed...

"What if God has you single in this season or what if God has you married in this season?" Before I could digest this, the moderators went on to say one more thing that struck me and gave me the clarification I was asking for.

The moderator stated...

“...Regardless, both seasons are meant to glorify God.”

And that shifted something deep inside me. Whether you’re married or single, your marriage or singleness are ministries and both are meaningful for you to grow.

Westernized Mindsets vs. Kingdom Purpose Mindsets

The guest moderator said something else that hit me hard:

“We’re often looking at relationships through a westernized lens instead of a Kingdom mindset.”

Whew. That right there stopped me!

It got me thinking about how many of us fantasize about the spouse, the kids, the dog, and even the white picket fence... you know the American dream.

Now, don't get me wrong because there’s no issue with wanting those things. But we tend to create the image in our understanding and not through God’s design. Or we also get so caught up on a time line that we start to follow the world’s blueprint and not God’s purpose.

This statement made me pause and sit with God. 🥹

My Wrestling Season

I won’t lie—this season has been a wrestle.

Do I want to remarry?

Do I want to stay single?

Sometimes, I ask God

“Lord, is it my will wanting marriage, or Your will?”

And when I look back, I realize some of my hesitation came from trauma responses.

I was afraid to trust.

I thought I’d have to check his phone constantly.

I feared repeating old patterns.

But God reminded me:

If He sends the spouse, I don’t have to question it.

If God calls it, confusion won’t follow.

If I force it on my own, that’s when chaos comes.

Now I'm praying “God, why did You send him? However, God didn’t. It was my impatience that willed them.

Healing Is the Assignment

Here’s what I’ve learned: God is healing me.

Healing my heart from my past marriage.

Healing my trust issues.

Healing my identity.

I’m not the same woman I was back then.

Yes, I’m healed, but I’m also still healing.

Yes, I’ve grown, but I’m still growing.

This season is holy ground for me. Psalm 91:1 says:

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”

Right now, God has me hidden in His shadow—and I’m learning to rest there.

The Ministry of Singleness

People often think singleness is just a waiting room. But no, I learned today that singleness is the ministry.

I’ve done more for God in this season than I ever did when I was married, because I’ve learned to seek Him first.

“But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

I used to seek marriage first. Now, I seek God first. If God brings marriage again, it’ll come from overflow—not desperation.

My Revelation

From one 90-second clip, God shifted my entire perspective:

If you’re married, your marriage is ministry.

If you’re single, your singleness is ministry.

Either way, the goal is the same: to glorify God.

So here I am...

Doing better than I was before, but not done doing better.

Still healing.

Still growing.

Still seeking.

And until God says otherwise, I’m learning to embrace this season with gratitude, purpose, and Kingdom vision.

Final Thoughts

Being single isn’t a punishment, it’s an invitation. An invitation to grow, to heal, and to deepen your intimacy with God.

And I’m starting to believe…

When I learn to be fully content in Him,

everything else will flow from there. 💛